So it's been just under 3 months that Hollywood and I have been seeing each other and I don't know what to say. I can say that I care about him, but as of the typing of this post, I just don't know what to say about the situation.
We have had our fair share of arguments over these last few months. Our last argument was over call waiting. Here is what happened. I was on the phone with my friend Prince who lives in New York whom I haven't talked to in about 2 months. While on the phone, Hollywood called and I didn't click over. I didn't click over because I never do unless I am expecting the call or the first call is ending. Right after he called, he sent me a text message saying "I tried calling you and I guess you are busy. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight." I have told him that there is no need to send me a text message if I don't answer his call because I know that he called. It feels like he is saying that "since you didn't have time to talk to me I am sending you this text message".
After I ended my call with Prince, I called Hollywood to say good night to him and to remind him that he doesn't need to send me a text if I don't answer the phone when he calls. He asked me why I didn't click over and say "I'll call you right back". I told him that I usually don't answer call waiting unless I am expecting the call and that I see no point in clicking over to tell someone that I will call them "right back". He asked me to consider if he was calling me in an emergency. I replied by asking him if I should assume that every call that comes in while I am on the phone is an emergency. His rebuttal was that it's common courtesy to answer a call that comes in. My reply was that what he eats will never make me shit. Meaning that that's his form of common courtesy, and not mine.
He then starts saying that I get too defensive when he brings up subjects about me. It's true that I do get defensive when he brings up things that he doesn't like about me or that I need to change. Who the hell wouldn't.? The problem with Hollywood is that he wants me to make changes to myself that he says would benefit "the relationship". That's an issue because all of these things are actually what he wants me to do in order to maintain something with him. Things that he feels are vital for us to maintain our situation:
1. Change my tone of voice when we have a disagreement-Instead of asking him a question the way that I want to, I need to ask him in the tone and frame of voice that he wants me to.
2. Answer the phone whenever he calls-Lord please don't let me not answer the phone when he calls. He will ask me why I didn't answer. I usually just ignore the question.
3. Not ask him something if we have discussed it already-If we have discussed something, I am never to bring up the subject again. But he can ask me something after we have discussed it.
4. Not bring up everything that bothers me about him-He believes I should "pick my battles" and just let some things go.
These are things that we have discussed that he wants me to "work on" so that we can form a relationship. Notice that I said HE thinks that these are things that I need to work on. Out of these items, #4 is what really gets my goat. I can't bring things up, but each time that there is something that he doesn't like, we have to discuss it when he wants to and how he wants to.
Each time we have a discussion of a topic on me and my actions and personality, he pulls the "maybe we shouldn't be together" line. He has said this 4 times and it's starting to get on my last damn nerve. It tells me that anyday that he decides, he is gonna just up and leave the situation because he is unhappy with something. As though if I don't conform to his demands that he is just gonna walk.
Now there are things about him that I would like him to change, . They are:
1. Stay off the damn phone. He has one of those damn big ass computer phones (Motorola 8525) with the little stick (stylus) that you punch the keyboard with. He stays either typing on that phone or talking on it while we are together. Once while we were out with a friend of mine and his boyfriend, Hollywood sat there typing away on the phone while we conversed.
2. Clean up his car and house. Both are a junky ass mess and anyone who knows me know that I hate clutter.
3. Hold me while I sleep or at least sleep close to me. While we are sleeping, he will push me away from him and sleep on the complete ofher side of the bed.
4. Get out of the house. For some reason he doesn't want to leave the house anymore. When we first started dating, we actually dated! Now all he wants to do is watch movies at home. We went to Blockbuster last week to rent a movie and he had seen EVERY movie that I picked up.! And I know that I picked up at least 20 movies! I cannot sit at home and watch movies all damn day.
5. Meet some of his friends. I hung out with his him and his friends ONCE and I have never seen them again. But on the other hand, each time my group gets together, they ask me to bring him along and he always attends.
Now of these items, #1 and #5 are my biggest worry and are the only 2 things that I have discussed with him because the others are just a part of his personality. He agreed to stay off the phone, and he has, but says that I am never in town when he and his friends hang out. I'm in town. Guess where he is tonight? With them. Was I invited? Nope.
Now I am not the type of person to always think that things need to go my way or the highway, but that is what I am learning that he is.
Right now, I am starting to believe that maybe we are not all that compatible. I have seen it a while back, but this time I want(ed) to stick it out and try. To see if it was really me causing all of the issues in my dating and relationships. After all, I am the common denominator in all of them. But I refuse to take all of the blame if this one doesn't work out. I know that I am not so horrible of a person that I am not capable of sustaining anything with anyone.
I don't feel like typing anymore. But I will say this. After 3 months, I feel that it's time for us to actually determine if we are going to establish something or let it go. We will have that discussion within the next few days.
Feel free to comment, good or bad, critical or encouraging.
Labels: Dating, Relationships